Surviving vs. Thriving: What’s the difference, and why should you care?
This question presents itself to me a lot- I am a 26 year old living in Seattle, WA and am not a software engineer, a start-up executive or work at a company with more than 10 employees. In fact, I usually don’t even work 40 hours a week. I live in a crumbling (but charming) old house off a main road with my partner, two roommates and two scruffy dogs. However, our rent and cost of living combined could be used to pay off the mortgage of a very nice house somewhere in rural Tennessee. Every waking free hour is spent moving my body, preparing nourishing food, writing, plotting adventures in the mountains and simply trying to find my niche in the world. By the end of the day though I feel exhausted, worn down and fairly uninspired. How hard does it really need to be?
“Survive” is defined as “to continue to live or exist, especially in spite of danger or hardship.” On the other hand, “thrive” means “prosper, be fortunate or successful, to grow or develop vigorously; flourish.” It actually comes from the old Norse word “thrifta” which means “to grasp”. The meaning nowadays is essentially the same, but beyond merely being a buzzword it is also quite specific. It runs deeper than simply prospering financially, or challenging yourself. If you find yourself constantly stressed you’re not thriving because you’re not able to grow. Think about the most stunning plant you’ve ever seen, probably healthy, lush and tendrils-reaching towards the sun. Compare that with perhaps that sad cactus you tried to keep alive in college. That’s what we’re talking about here. When you’re in survival mode, you’re just trying to get through the day. If you experience any of these feelings listed below, you might be in survival mode:
- Choosing a path of least resistance
- Putting in minimal or adequate effort at work, with interactions, etc.
- Feelings of more lack than abundance physically or mentally
- Blaming others for your current situation
- Fearing failure above all else
How do you shift these habits? In order to obtain the optimal state of thriving, lead researcher Dr. Daniel Brown at the University of Portsmouth, England says you must possess at least a few of the following characteristics:
- optimism
- motivation
- proactivity
- enjoyment of learning
- flexibility
- adaptability
- spirituality
- social competency
- self-esteem
Think of these as ingredients for a limitless combination of recipes. What works for one person will be completely different for someone else. At the end of the day, I could listen to as many self help podcasts as I want, but if I don’t start making moves in the right direction it’s time to switch things up and make a change. So now that you’ve decided what you’re currently doing is feeling stagnant, here are some ways to help cultivate a growth mindset:
- Memory: Harken back to a time in your life when you felt you were thriving. What were you doing differently, and why did that change?
- Get out of your head and into your body: Go sweat, however you like to do it. A brisk nature walk, yoga class or rockclimbing are all great ways to engage your body and mind and help clear the cobwebs everyday.
- Generate flow experiences: This is your “in the zone” feeling, when 2 hours feels like 10 minutes. You should be thoroughly enjoying yourself, whether alone, with your pet or with other people. Try and do this a few times a week.
- Slow down and savor: I know this is cliche and little easier said than done, but truly savoring rather than rushing experiences does wonders. If this doesn’t come naturally (my normal walking pace is most people’s slow jog), start small and increase from there. Linger after dinner for 5 more minutes, see how long you can enjoy your coffee while sitting at a cafe, put your headphones on and actually LISTEN to the lyrics.
- Write for 10 minutes: write about anything, anywhere, anytime. This could be in a journal before bed, when you first get up, in the bathroom at work, it really doesn’t matter. “Expressive writing” has been linked to better moods, well-being and reduced stress for those who do it regularly. Writing your “Grateful List” once a week studies have shown participants feel more motivated and optimistic about their current situations and the future…the catch is that this was once a week, not everyday, as you don’t want to begrudgingly do it.
Choosing to thrive may seem scary at first- it’s out of your comfort zone and there’s no clear blueprint for it. However, I’d like to borrow a quote from Author Jim Rohn to drive home a point:
“You cannot change your destination overnight, but you can change your direction overnight.”
Start small, build habits and be patient. The busiest day of the week is always tomorrow, so you’d better begin now.
